Motorcycle jokes. - 1130cc.com: The #1 Harley Davidson V-Rod Forum
» Sponsors
Go Back   1130cc.com: The #1 Harley Davidson V-Rod Forum > V-ROD Discussions > V-ROD General
New User? Register - Forgot Password

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 06-17-2013, 10:29 AM   #1
ggecko
Beach Bum
 
ggecko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Pawleys Island, SC
Posts: 2,189
Images: 44
Feedback Score: 2 reviews
Motorcycle jokes.

To lighten things up, maybe start a thread of posts of motorcycle jokes????


How much oil does a Harley Davidson hold?

-none
__________________
Biking boating and beaching, what a wonderful world.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
ggecko is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 06-17-2013, 10:49 AM   #2
thetryal
F2NV
 
thetryal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Statesville NC
Posts: 1,725
Feedback Score: 12 reviews
How is a Harley Davidson like an old dog?

A- They both like to ride in the back of pickup trucks.


how can you tell a Harley is out of oil?

A- it stops leaking
__________________
09 Sunglo Muscle.
Vance & Hines slips
PCV & autotune
K&N filter
Topless ( . ) ( . )
26t Fitzgerald sprocket
260 Metzeler
Chrome Arnotts
Hanny risers
CCS-100 cruise control

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
thetryal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 11:02 AM   #3
HoneyB
Pat (Patrick!)
 
HoneyB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: No. Central CT
Posts: 11,222
Images: 14
Feedback Score: 31 reviews
Why is there always a pick-up Truck following a group of Harleys?

To pick up the parts that fell off!
__________________
'04 VRSCB, SERF, Amsoil air filter & oil, Drilled Exhaust, Arlen Ness Mirrors, relocated Signals, Sundowner seat,
Tiger Racing belt guards, Pondo's pivot bolt covers & 'V' valve stem caps, Tyson's black riser and foot levers, Metzler ME 880's, black 5 spoke '08D wheels and rear pulley, Mini LED rear signals, Progressive suspension, Jeannie Guardian Bell!(so far!)

1978 Honda XL350 (w/4300 miles on it!)

Jedi:"It's free to be a member, but it'll cost your ass in the end..."
HoneyB is offline   Reply With Quote
 
Old 06-17-2013, 11:10 AM   #4
Vrodholic09
Registered Full
 
Vrodholic09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 430
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Lol!


Sent from Motorcycle.com Free App
__________________
_____________________________________________
2009 DX NRS

[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Vrodholic09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 11:53 AM   #5
Sleazy-E
I piss excellence
 
Sleazy-E's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: MN
Posts: 492
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The position of the dirtbag.
Sleazy-E is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 12:47 PM   #6
031130
Registered Full
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Milwaukee/Lake Lac Vieux Desert (U.P. border, snowbelt)
Posts: 398
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Oh yeah thats John's new bike, he named it Gary. The r is silent.
__________________
Warped rotors. Dunlop tires-180 rear. Syn3. Dogs Ass intact.
031130 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 01:11 PM   #7
HoneyB
Pat (Patrick!)
 
HoneyB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: No. Central CT
Posts: 11,222
Images: 14
Feedback Score: 31 reviews
Little Billy told his mother: "I want to be a Biker, when I grow up!"
Billy's Mother replied that he "had to choose one, or the other!"
__________________
'04 VRSCB, SERF, Amsoil air filter & oil, Drilled Exhaust, Arlen Ness Mirrors, relocated Signals, Sundowner seat,
Tiger Racing belt guards, Pondo's pivot bolt covers & 'V' valve stem caps, Tyson's black riser and foot levers, Metzler ME 880's, black 5 spoke '08D wheels and rear pulley, Mini LED rear signals, Progressive suspension, Jeannie Guardian Bell!(so far!)

1978 Honda XL350 (w/4300 miles on it!)

Jedi:"It's free to be a member, but it'll cost your ass in the end..."
HoneyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 01:28 PM   #8
santeg
Fah q 2
 
santeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: SMR
Posts: 2,690
Images: 31
Feedback Score: 3 reviews
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a motorcycle when he spotted a well known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage,
"Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,

"So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic ...

"Try doing it with the engine running!"
__________________
Motor oils are like women. There are all different types, but most do a good job of lubing your crank.
santeg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 01:29 PM   #9
santeg
Fah q 2
 
santeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: SMR
Posts: 2,690
Images: 31
Feedback Score: 3 reviews
A ten year-old boy was walking
down the street when a big man on
a black motorcycle, pulls up beside
him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go
for a ride?"

"No!", said the boy, and he kept on
walking. The motorcyclist pulls up
to him again and says, "Hey kid,, I'll
give you $10 if you hop on the
back"

"NO!" said the boy and proceeded
down the street a little quicker.

The motorcyclist pulls up to the
boy again and says, "Ok kid, I'll
give you $20 and a BIG bag of
candy if you hop on the back for a
ride."

At this point the boy turns around
to him and screams angrily, "Look
Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so
YOU ride it!!
__________________
Motor oils are like women. There are all different types, but most do a good job of lubing your crank.
santeg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 01:32 PM   #10
HoneyB
Pat (Patrick!)
 
HoneyB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: No. Central CT
Posts: 11,222
Images: 14
Feedback Score: 31 reviews
Quote:
Originally Posted by santeg View Post
A ten year-old boy was walking
down the street when a big man on
a black motorcycle, pulls up beside
him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go
for a ride?"

"No!", said the boy, and he kept on
walking. The motorcyclist pulls up
to him again and says, "Hey kid,, I'll
give you $10 if you hop on the
back"

"NO!" said the boy and proceeded
down the street a little quicker.

The motorcyclist pulls up to the
boy again and says, "Ok kid, I'll
give you $20 and a BIG bag of
candy if you hop on the back for a
ride."

At this point the boy turns around
to him and screams angrily, "Look
Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so
YOU ride it!!
You win!
(Even though I also own a Honda...)
__________________
'04 VRSCB, SERF, Amsoil air filter & oil, Drilled Exhaust, Arlen Ness Mirrors, relocated Signals, Sundowner seat,
Tiger Racing belt guards, Pondo's pivot bolt covers & 'V' valve stem caps, Tyson's black riser and foot levers, Metzler ME 880's, black 5 spoke '08D wheels and rear pulley, Mini LED rear signals, Progressive suspension, Jeannie Guardian Bell!(so far!)

1978 Honda XL350 (w/4300 miles on it!)

Jedi:"It's free to be a member, but it'll cost your ass in the end..."
HoneyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 01:48 PM   #11
mbrownin
Registered Full
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 129
Feedback Score: 1 reviews
Quote:
Originally Posted by HoneyB View Post
You win!
(Even though I also own a Honda...)
That's ok. Dirt/trail bikes don't count.
mbrownin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 03:08 PM   #12
santeg
Fah q 2
 
santeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: SMR
Posts: 2,690
Images: 31
Feedback Score: 3 reviews
The 9 types of customers at a motorcycle shop

El explicito: "I tried to start it, ya know, and it worked, ya know, but now it doesn't, ya know?"
Advantages: Provides interesting communication challenges.
Disadvantages: So do chimps.
Symptoms: Complete inability to use proper nouns.
Real case: One user walked up to a certain shop with $58/hr shop rates and said, "I can't get it started!" The shop manager leaned back, put his hands on his belt-buckle, and said, "Well, you've come to the right place". KA-CHIINNGG!!!!

Mad bomber
: "Well, I changed the jets, cleaned the bowls, re-ported it, got some new aftermarket parts for here, and here, and here, and now it looks all weird".
Advantages: Will try to find own solution to problems.
Disadvantages: Has a tendency to buy parts from Mongolia or Lower Slobobia.
Symptoms: More than six hours spent fixing his bike for every hour riding it.
Real case: One guy pushed his bike into the shop, complaining that his newly-installed fuel system was strangling his engine. Found he'd put packing into the filter bowl, instead of the actual filter.
Frying pan/fire tactician: "I didn't have a stock widget, so I used these metal pieces I found in the bottom of my tool box and McGyverred them to fit".
Advantages: Will usually fix error.
Disadvantages: 'Fix' is defined VERY loosely here.
Symptoms: A tendency to use whatever is closest, at the time, to substitute for OEM parts (and don't even ASK me about specs).
Real case: One guy didn't have the right gasket, so he used cardboard and superglue instead. The dude said, "Well, that was the only way I could get it back together!"

Shaman: "Last week, when the moon was full, the clouds were thick, and Formalhaut was above the horizon, I jiggled the choke, hit the starter, and lo, it did start!"
Advantages: Gives insight into primitive mythology.
Disadvantages: Few bikers are anthropology majors.
Symptoms: Frequent questions about irrelevant objects.
Real case: One guy complained that his bike had problems starting if there was a heavy rain. Asked the mechanic to check the bike's starter system while another guy aimed a hose at both the mechanic and the bike, to simulate a heavy rain.

X-user: "You know how much torque... um, power train, er, quite impressive, really".
Advantages: Demands top of the line or cutting edge performance on some or all systems.
Disadvantages: Has little or no idea how to use the top of the line or cutting-edge motorcycle technology.
Symptoms: Fuzzy hands, blindness, occasional drool.
Real case: Guy (with a babe on his arm) regaled her about the awesome power of a Ninja and it's "overdrive" gear, capable of speeds above 140 mph.

Miracle worker: "But it turned over fine last weekend!" 'Sir, at a guess, this battery has been decomposing since last fall'.
Advantages: Apparently has remarkable luck when you aren't around.
Disadvantages: People complain when scon actually use the word 'horse-puckey'.
Symptoms: Loses all ability to do impossible when you're around. Must be the kryptonite in your pocket.

Real case: Battery with three empty cells, maybe a quarter inch of deposit in four cells, and five which will not hold a charge, and an owner who swears, SWEARS, that the battery cranked the bike fine until last weekend.

Taskmaster: "I want to put my palm-top HP computer on my tank bag and run it off the AC adapter; I thought we (meaning the mechanic) might create a way for me to draw power off the battery. Then I can check my e-mail on long straight stretches, with this cordless fax-modem".
Advantages: Bold new challenges.
Disadvantages: Makes one wish to be a garbage collector.
Symptoms: An inability to keep quiet. Strong tendencies to make machines do things they don't want to do.
Real case: One guy wanted to put a 3 disk CD changer and play into his saddlebag - on a Honda ST1100 (and this was about 2 years before J&M came up with the tools to do this).

Maestro: "Well, first I sat on the bike, like this. Then I moved the bike to the vertical position. Then I lifted the kickstand. Then I put the key into the ignition. Then I hit the starter button. But the bike sputters but won't start!"
Advantages: Willing to show you, in exact detail, what they did that 'caused' the problem.
Disadvantages: For as long as five or six hours.
Symptoms: Selective deafness to the phrases, "Right, right, okay, but what was the ERROR?" and a strong fondness for the phrase, "Well, I'm getting to that".
Real case: I once had to spend half an hour looking over a lady rider's shoulder while she continuously tried to start a bike which, as it turns out, didn't have any gasoline in the "main", but had plenty when switched to "reserve".

Princess: (unfair, perhaps, as these tend, overwhelmingly, to be males) "I need a Beemer like James Bond rode, and someone's got the last one in stock, like that reserved. Would you please garrote him and put him in the used oil can bin so I can get the bike?"
Advantages: Flatters you with their high standards for your service.
Disadvantages: Impresses you with their obliviousness to other people on this planet.
Symptoms: Inability to communicate except by complaining.
Real case: One guy came into a Harley dealership, to order a bike like Brando rode in "The Wild One" (which, as we all know, was a Triumph from the UK), then indignantly refused to believe Brando didn't ride a Harley, nor that the bike was no longer produced ("I saw one just like it the other day!").
__________________
Motor oils are like women. There are all different types, but most do a good job of lubing your crank.
santeg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 07:36 PM   #13
MegaZ
V's and Z's
 
MegaZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Mount Airy, NC (Mayberry)
Posts: 4,093
Images: 98
Feedback Score: 36 reviews
Divorce court Judge told Mickey "I'm sorry, Mickey, but I can't grant you a divorce just because you think Minnie's crazy."

Mickey said in his high-pitched voice "I didn't say she's crazy. I said she's phuckin Goofy."

I don't have any motorcycle jokes
__________________
Everything that eats meat likes a dead buffalo.

2006 VRSCA
1991 Nissan 300ZXTT Stage 12+ 600bhp
MegaZ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 09:51 PM   #14
capncarp
Registered Full
 
capncarp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Home town of Cheryl Crowe!
Posts: 1,143
Images: 4
Feedback Score: 1 reviews
M109

Best joke I've got.
capncarp is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-17-2013, 10:16 PM   #15
langwilliams
Registered Full
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 659
Feedback Score: 0 reviews
Harley's don't leak oil, they mark their territory like a wolf!
langwilliams is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.2

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:34 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Garage Plus vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
Motorcycle News, Videos and Reviews
Honda Grom Forum strong>Kawasaki Z125 Forum Harley Davidson Forum Honda 600RR Forum Kawasaki Forum Yamaha R6 Forum Yamaha FZ-09 Forum
1199 Panigale Forum Honda Africa Twin Forum Roadglide Forum Honda CBR1000 Forum Vulcan Forum Yamaha R1 Forum Yamaha R3 Forum
Ducati Monster Forum Harley Forums Honda CBR250R Forum ZX10R Forum Star Raider Forum Yamaha Viking Forum
Suzuki GSXR Forum V-Rod Forums Honda Shadow Forum Kawasaki Motorcycle Forum Star Warrior Forum KTM Duke 390 Forum
SV650 Forum BMW S1000RR Forum Honda Fury Forum Kawasaki Versys Forum Drag Racing Forum Ducati 899 Panigale Forum Ducati 959 Panigale Forum
Suzuki V-Strom BMW K1600 Triumph Forum Victory Forums Sportbikes BMW NineT Forum
Volusia Forum BMW F800 Forum Triumph 675 Forum MV Agusta Forum HD Street Forum
Yamaha Motorcycles Honda Vultus Forum HD LiveWire Forum Ninja H2 Forum
BMW Scrambler Forum Ducati Scrambler Forum