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Old 06-18-2013, 04:24 AM   #16
wolf102
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capncarp View Post
M109

Best joke I've got.
Not that's funny!

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Old 06-18-2013, 04:45 AM   #17
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Old 06-18-2013, 06:00 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by capncarp View Post
M109

Best joke I've got.
Lol!


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Old 06-18-2013, 06:36 AM   #19
BT
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And no one has mentioned the F yet......tsk tsk....gettin soft boys.
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Old 06-18-2013, 06:58 AM   #20
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A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
• Officer: May I see your driver's license?
• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

Why Motorcycles are better than women

Your motorcycle doesn't get upset when you forget it's birthday.
• You don't have to talk to your motorcycle after you ride it.
• You can choke your motorcycle.
• Your motorcycle doesn't get mad when you ignore it for a month or so.
• Motorcycles don't get jealous if you come home with grease under your fingernails.
• Motorcycles don't snore.
• Your motorcycle won't wake you up at 3:00 AM and ask you if you love it.
• Your motorcycle won't leave you for another rider.
• You don't have to pay child support / alimony to an ex-motorcycle.
• If you say bad things to your Motorcycles, you don't have to apologize before you can ride it again.
• If your Motorcycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
• If your Motorcycle goes flat, you can fix it.
• If your Motorcycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics to correct it.
• If your Motorcycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
• If your Motorcycle is too soft, you can get different shocks.
• If your Motorcycle makes too much noise, you can buy a muffler.
• If your Motorcycle smokes, you can do something about it.
• It's always OK to use tie downs on your Motorcycle.
• Motorcycles always feel like going for a ride.
• Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have ridden.
• Motorcycles don't care about how many other Motorcycles you have.
• Motorcycles don't care if you are late.
• Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
• Motorcycles don't have parents.
• Motorcycles don't insult you if you are a bad rider.
• Motorcycles don't mind if you look at other Motorcycles, or if you buy Motorcycle magazines.
• Motorcycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
• Motorcycles last longer.
• Motorcycles only need their fluids changed every 2,000 miles.
• Motorcycles' curves never sag.
• New Motorcycles must be asked for, and if you don't want to pay for them, you don't get them.
• When riding, you and your Motorcycle both arrive at the same time.
• You can kick your Motorcycle to wake it up.
• You can ride a Motorcycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
• You can ride a Motorcycle any time of the month.
• You can share your Motorcycle with your friends.
• You can't get diseases from a Motorcycle you don't know very well.
• You don't have to be jealous of the guy that works on your Motorcycle.
• You don't have to convince your Motorcycle that you're a motorcyclist and that you think that • Motorcycles are equals.
• You don't have to deal with priests or blood-tests to register your Motorcycle.
• You don't have to take a shower before riding your Motorcycle.
• You only need to get a new chain or belt for your Motorcycle when the old one is worn.
• Your Motorcycle never wants a night out alone with the other Motorcycles.
• Your parents don't remain in touch with your old Motorcycle after you dump it.
• Your Motorcycle doesn't car what you're wearing when you take it out.
• Wearing two fresh rubbers makes riding a bike MORE enjoyable.
• The rashes you get from motorcycles go away without those painful IM Penicillin shots.
• One gets in no trouble for storing disassembled pieces of the motorcycle in the basement.
• Disassembling the motorcycle is done out of pleasure rather than need.
• Motorcycles always sound pleasant.
• Unlike women FAT motorcycles aren't cheap dates.
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Old 06-18-2013, 09:54 AM   #21
jzaneccw
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A harley is the single best way to convert fuel to noise without the byproduct of horse power
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Old 06-18-2013, 10:49 AM   #22
bwds
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Fabster.lol.
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Old 06-19-2013, 03:27 PM   #23
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Divorce lawyer to wife on witness stand:
"Isn't true that on the night of May 18 you made mad passionate love to Louie the Motorcycle Midget while perched atop the bars of his Harley Davidson Fat Boy while doing 103 miles per hour through the center of town?"

Wife: "Would you repeat the date?"
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Old 06-19-2013, 07:58 PM   #24
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not a mc joke

Guy buys a new corvette. Gets on highway and with the top down notices how good it feels to go eighty, Since it feels so good he tries ninety and it feels better. Then one ten is even better. About that time he notices blue lights behind him and he decides his joy ride is over, maybe for good. The cop approaches the car and tells the man that he has had a very rough week and just wants to go home. If the driver can give him an excuse the cop has never heard before he will let the man go. At that point the driver says that his wife had left him recently for a cop and when he saw the blue lights he was afraid the cop was bringing her back.
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Old 01-05-2020, 10:30 PM   #25
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Q: What do you get when you have 32 Harley owners in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.

Q: How do you tell if a Harley rider has had sex
A: His middle finger is clean.

Q: Why do Harley riders never ride faster than 50mph?
A: Any faster and they can't see where the parts fell off.
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Old 01-09-2020, 11:01 PM   #26
Nas3car
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I bought a Harley with leather saddle bags and the owner told me to keep them in good condition coat them in vaseline before it rains. Well...... I was supposed to go meet my girlfriends parents for the first time today. Her Dad is a motorcycle nut, so I figured I would bring my bike by. When I arrived, my girlfriend met me outside and said "my family has been in a giant argument this week. No one wants to do the dishes. We aren't speaking at the moment. Next one who speaks has to do the dishes".
We go in for dinner, and sure enough, it's nothing but awkward silence. The dirty dishes are overflowing out of the sink. Everyone is eating, looking at each other, and not saying anything. My inner rebel is telling me to see how far I can push it, so naturally, I grab my girlfriend, throw her on the table, and start ****ing her in front of the entire family. I finish up. Silence. No one says anything.
In a couple minutes.....I grab my girlfriends Mother, throw her on the table, and start ****ing her in front of everyone. Nothing. No one says a god damn thing. I can't believe this. As I'm finishing up, I hear a giant clap of thunder, and it starts raining.Worrying about the leather saddle bags, I grab the Vaseline, and my girlfriends father yells "FINE, I'LL DO THE ****ING DISHES".
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